The Misadventures of Batsy and Mr J
by Daughter of the Black
Summary: The Joker has escaped from Arkham, and Batman is on the case. Pure comedy, a christmas gift to all.
1. W: 12 Bouncy Balls

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Disclaimer: We own nothing-well, except the pure mental-ness that was required to pen this story. Hehe.

A/N: This is a collaboration between myself and one of my best friends…we didn't let our other friend (Muffin) near this-if we had all that would be left would be cinders and the odd candy cane-hehe.

This is set 5 months after Dark Knight-this is a Christmas fic and will be updated once a day to be finished on Christmas Day…Enjoy.

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Clothes flapping in the wind, and makeup applied haphazardly, The Joker snickered as he ran down the nearly empty streets of downtown Gotham. The Joker wasn't accustomed to running, he preferred to face everything head on. But five months in Arkham Asylum had made him more than a little skittish about going back. So green-yellow curls slicked back, the scourge of The Batman's city sprinted down the street, Batsy, himself, following not far behind him.

Darting past a brightly lit patch of pavement, the only light on the street, the man in clown makeup froze. Backtracking with a little hop in his step, Joker glanced both ways before ducking into the store giggling madly, excitement glittering in his golden-brown eyes.

Batman growled under his breath as he pursued The Joker. Earlier that evening Arkham was breached from the inside and it was reported that only one patient was gone.

The Joker.

In his place, large letters done in red repeating, "HAHA," covered the back wall of his cell.

Batman's target disappeared into a door, running to the entryway he glanced upwards.

"A toy store? What the fu-oh, wait! I can't say that. Dammit! Oh Gaaa!"

A new scowl set on his face the masked crusader glared at the gaily-lit store and whipped out his script.

Flipping quickly through the pages an unseen eyebrow shot upwards, "What the fudge-muffins! This isn't in the script," Batman exclaimed darkly.

The Joker's helium-happy voice floated out of the store, "Chaos! If things go according to the plan, nobody panics. And what fun is that, hmmm, Batsy?"

Brown eyes rolled before their owner dashed into the store. Stepping carefully to avoid the tiny animatronics puppies that yipped and squeaked across the linoleum, Batman narrowed his eyes very aware of his surroundings.

_Plonk_—Batman flinched as something bounced off his cowl, "I sense a disturbance in the force!"

Joker smothered his laughter by jamming his fist in his mouth, and lobbing another ball at the caped figure.

_Plink_

Batman's head whipped upwards to find Joker perching on the top of a shelf, "Joker."

Lips curling upwards, Joker chucked two more bouncy balls, "Why so serious, Batsy?"

Batman's scowl melted into a sad frown, "How can you be so callous—you know Sirius is dead!"

Joker scratched the back of his head in the awkward silence, "What the fuck?!"

"It's the end of the line, Joker."

Peering down at the floor, Joker's lips quivered, "What line, I don't see a line. Why is it you hero types aren't very," he twisted a knife next to his temple, "sane up in the brain?"

Two balls landing directly on Batman's helmeted head stopped his response.

"He-he-he-he. I crack me up."

Snorting like a horse, Batman scooped up six bouncy balls and stepped forward to hurl them at the criminal. Unfortunately, he stepped on a bright purple and green ball and slipped. Landing on his back with a grunt, Batman threw his arms up to protect himself from the bouncy balls raining down on him.

Joker giggled uproariously, as he teetered on the edge of the shelf. A moment before he pitched forward his eyes opened comically and he flailed wildly. Landing more or less in tact, The Joker scrambled to his feet and slid across the floor, stumbling and slipping over the twelve bouncy balls that littered the tile.

Batman groaned as he righted himself and dashed after Joker, taking a bit more care to avoid the balls, not wanting to repeat the fall he just took.

Clearing the disaster zone, Batman spotted his foe sitting cross-legged on top of a desk, computer before him.

The Joker grinned maniacally, and licked his lips as he pecked on the keyboard, "B-E-A-S-T-I-A-L-I-T-Y P-O---"

"Whoa," Batman exclaimed from behind him as he tried to cover the computer screen, "No R-rated stuff here! This is PG-13, look at the rating," Batman gestured towards the floor where in sparkling red _PG-13_ was emblazoned on the tile.

Joker crossed his arms and pouted, "Ruin all my fun."

Batman sighed, "You know, I'm really not that bad, I mean if you got to know me."

The pair exchanged a slightly alarmed glance before Joker launched himself off the desk and scampered further into the toy store.

"Mwahahaha!"

His laughter echoed through the cavernous store for only Batman to hear.

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Do please review, it is Christmas time afterall, and this is our gift to you! til .


	2. H: 11 Stuffed Animals

Disclaimer: We Don't Own.

A/N: Not much, just you know, previous junk…hehe. Read and Review please.

Sliding to a stop in a decidedly fluffy aisle, Joker squeaked and let out a distinctly _not_ evil noise.

"Tee-hee-hee."

Eyes lighting upon one particular item.

Snatching it from the shelf and cradling it in his arms as one would a baby. The item in question? A stuffed pit bull.

Teeth showing like a jackal that'd caught its prey, Joker skipped up and down the aisle happily.

Well, until he ran straight into a menacing black figure, "Joker!"

"Eep?"

Batman's fists clenched tightly before the soft rumble in his throat cut off, "…is that…a stuffed animal?!"

The Joker's eyes narrowed and he twisted away from Batsy, "You can't have her."

"Her," Batman asked slowly.

"Muffin, stay back, she bites…and so do I," The Joker's lip curled upwards and he snarled with all the ferocity of a ticked kitten.

Two strong arms locked him in place, imposing hands pressing down almost painfully on his shoulders.

"Release the plushy and no one gets hurt."

Features tightening, Joker glowered, "No," he replied, ever the petulant child.

Jaw locking, Batman's nostril's flared in something akin to anger and irritation before he struck swift as a rabbit.

Stuck in a headlock, Joker kept the brown and black stuffed dog tucked against his purple velvet blazer despite Batsy desperately trying to pry the toy from him.

Using strength derived from years, and dexterity earned day by day, Joker lifted himself off the ground, allowing his full weight to be supported by the supposedly stronger man.

Batman stumbled slightly as the Joker pulled in a shallow breath.

Giggling through the strangling hold, the painted man poked one finger into the side of his assailant, slipping the digit between plates of Kevlar to rebound on soft flesh.

Batman straightened and dropped Joker on his butt before lunging forward and latching onto the head of Muffin the innocent puppy.

Eyes narrowing and veins throbbing the duo tugged at the puppy, soft animal-esque grunts coming from both.

With an absolutely horrendous _riipp,_ Muffin came apart at the seams.

Head for The Batman.

Tails for The Joker.

A short, high-pitched whimper cut through the levity of the situation and a miniscule tear trailed down the Joker's white face.

"You bitch! You killed Muffin!"

Joker launched himself across the short distance and scrabbled at his enemy's neck. He was easily shoved off and sat dejectedly on the floor, gaze effectively on his dead dog.

Bile rose quickly in Batman's stomach as he gazed at the almost pathetic (if he wasn't a mass murderer, and completely insane) man.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Batman placed his hands palms up in a placating gesture, "Shh, it's alright. It'll be okay."

Ripping a large pink bunny off the nearest shelf Batman waved it in a mock dance before Joker.

Joker scowled and batted it away with one hand and fingered a knife with the other.

"Okay…kitten," Batsy asked as he pointed to a purple cat with green eyes.

If glares could kill, and Joker was getting damn close to figuring out how to do just that, the kitty would be six feet and several inches under.

A bear, moose, and cow were all similarly rejected and thrown to the far reaches of the aisle. Batman hurried back and forth trying to stop the train wreck.

A super-soft lamb with a bell around its neck got a full minute long inspection before the pout returned and Joker set aside the stuffed animal with only slightly more care than the others.

Batman let out a frustrated breath before proffering the next selection: a monkey. Fingers twitching, the monkey was hurled straight into Batsy's face. The giraffe and elephant suffered much the same treatment, and Batman was nearly shaking with fear as Joker's face just kept darkening—quite a feat under a three inch layer of white cake makeup.

Stretching his hand behind him, Batman blindly grabbed the first stuffed animal that his fingers brushed. Thrusting it at the man on the floor, he was surprised when it was wrenched from his grasp.

Opening his eyes a crack he winced as he noted Joker was twisting the head of the animal. Standing in an almost boneless motion, Joker placed one foot on the toys neck before jumping up and down on it, squishing it. Clearing his throat joker bent down retrieved the toy and sunk his teeth into the mangled neck, shaking it profusely. Seething, he plunged his favorite dagger into the animal, stuffing spraying outwards.

Body frozen, Batman noted his mistake for future reference.

"Okay," Batman said slowly as he backed away, "I'm sensing some anger."

Joker growled and advanced towards him, stuffing hanging off him in clumps, "Run," he spoke deadly softly.

Batman gulped and turned on his heel and did just that.

Joker snarled once more and shot after him, hunter keen on his prey.

The stuffed bat lay abandoned on the floor, not even the intensive _bear_ unit would save it.

TBC

Read and Review, ummm, hope you enjoy, eleven more chapters to go.


	3. Y: 10 Candy Bars

Disclaimer: We Don't Own.

A/N: Not much, just you know, previous junk…hehe. Read and Review please

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Batman skidded past the registers, cape sending a box of candy sailing to the floor. Setting off down the game aisle, Batman ceased to hear the soft growls of his predator.

Instead there was a soft _snikt_ and then giggling-which was becoming all too familiar. Backtracking slowly, one hand on his all-purpose utility belt, Batman was wary about what he would be facing.

_Sqush_

Nose upturned at the decidedly unpleasant sound and feeling, Batsy lifted his foot from the floor.

Caramel and chocolate stretched from his boot to the floor, the remnants of a candy bar. A candy bar twirled into the shape of dog poop. A powerful shudder racked his body. Wiping the bottom of his foot on the floor, Batsy's muscles stiffened as he headed back towards Joker, the rage from minutes ago forgotten.

Marching towards the crunched over figure Batman hand his hands on hips.

Joker smirked up at him before rearranging it into an innocent smile, or what passed for one.

"Give me a hand up, Batsy. Let's let bygones be bygones. He who laughs last didn't get it. Honesty is the best image. Common sense ain't common. When in doubt, tell the truth. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. All power corrupts, but we need electricity. Chess is mental torture. Do not try to live forever, you will not succeed. Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw. Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. Art is either plagiarism or revolution. Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. All diseases run into one, old age--"

"Are you done yet?!"

Joker scowled and rolled his eyes upwards as though thinking, "No, but nearly there. Ah, lets see…Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman. I like being a villain. Villains are more exciting…mmm, yeah, that'll do me. But seriously, I need a hand up."

Squinting at the name, Batman extended his hand. Joker stood quickly and slid his hand off Batsy's.

Squealing, he gathered a few candy bars and slid past Batsy.

Batman stared down at his glove, "Aww," chocolate was slimed over the palm, "Now I have to get these dry cleaned. AGAIN!"

Frowning, Batman turned to go after Joker, but found a trail of candy bar bits littering the row and rounding the corner.

Leaning down, Batman gathered a few pieces into his hand, and popped them into his mouth, "Nougatty."

Chewing thoughtfully, Batman rolled a fresh candy bar between his fingers and a length of rope in the other hand.

Meanwhile, Joker carefully laid piece after piece on the ground, to make sure he could find his way back. He halted as he passed a funhouse mirror, smiling sexily he licked his lips and yanked out a dagger to smooth his hair back, "Well, hello there beautiful," his performance was somewhat dampened by the chocolate smeared in his hair. Where his beloved dagger should have been, a candy bar was in place. Foiled by his own absentmindedness.

Shrugging his shoulders, Joker spun on his heel and headed back the way he had come. Eyes on the ground as he barely skipped along. So doing, he could hardly have missed the candy bar lying abandoned on the floor.

Plucking it up, Joker snuggled it to his face for all of two seconds before he was swung upside down, "Why is it that I always end up like this. Is this some sort of weird fetish?!" Attention turning back to the candy he grinned, "You'll be mine, I'll call you Squishy, and you will be my Squishy."

Wiggling slightly, Joker fell flat on his back. Candy bar held tightly to his chest, "Could have been a little more gently with the landing! Professional my ass."

Batman sat atop the shelves, staring down at The Joker. As soon as Joker was out of his trap, Batman whipped out a batarang and whipped it downward. It fell flat. Peering carefully, he noticed that it was not a batarang, but rather a candy bar.

"Drat!"

Leaping down, cape billowing around him, Batman moved in front of the Joker.

Cackling madly, Joker leapt to his feet, leaving less than an inch between him and Batsy.

A slow smile spread across his already cheerful face, "Why Batsy, is that a candy bar in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Taking a quick step back, Batman wrenched his second plan in front of him. A toy bow knocked with a candy bar.

As he drew back, he grinned, "When in Rome."

Releasing the string, the candy bar shot across the distance to thunk loudly against The Joker's forehead.

"Oww."

Shaking his head, Joker took out his weapon, smirking, he jammed his thumbs into Batman's eyeholes. Pulling back left Batman blinded by two candy bar cutouts.

Batman stumbled around, clawing at his eyes with his slightly slippery chocolate-covered gloves, while The Joker's eyes widened at a stuffed horse on a stick. Fixated with his new friend, all thoughts of Muffin drifted away from him.

Batman finally dug the half-melted chocolate out of his eyeholes, only to see Joker determinedly trying to shove a chocolate bar into the open mouth of the brown and white stuffed horse, muttering obscenities all the while.

"What are you doing? It's not alive, it can't eat," Batman told the purple-clad man, incredulity seeping into his voice.

Joker's head turned towards the seemingly ubiquitous figure, the menacing gleam returning to his eyes. Poor Muffin obviously not forgotten quite yet.

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Okay, review-only some odd left to go.


	4. S: 9 Boxes of Legos

Disclaimer: We Don't Own.

A/N: Not much, just you know, previous junk…hehe. Read and Review please-this was written primarily by my co-conspirator with some editing on my side-hope you enjoy-please review! Or else I'll dunk Batman in a KFC deep fryer and hand Mr. J upside down in the sewers…

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Joker leapt forward in an attempt to grab the trailing cape of the running figure. No such luck as he face planted in the tile.

"Why was I stuck with this freak to tail?" He muttered under his breath—sprinting off in the direction of the black shadow.

After unsuccessfully finding any trace of the Batman. Joker skidded to a stop in the middle of two aisles. Mumbling a few, choice swears under his breath.

"Damn Batman. Where the hell did he go?" Fingering his knife in frustration, Joker called out a little louder, "Batsy oh Batsy wherefore art thou Batsy?"

Getting no response, he huffed on. Running down one aisle and up another, Joker turned the corner. Upon seeing six boxes of empty legos, the Joker attempted to slide to a stop. Utterly failing, he landed among the boxes.

_Crash—_

Apparently not all of the boxes where empty, brightly colored rectangles were scattered in Joker's greenish scraggly hair and across the floor. The Joker's hand touched one red piece of plastic. He slowly pulled it out of his hair, the strands pulling straight before dropping free. Taking one glance at the oblong piece he chucked it across the aisle, letting out an unseemly noise. Like that of kicked puppy.

"Ahhhh!" Shaking his head back and forth, Joker frantically scraped at his hair. _Plink, plink, plink_

As the blue, red, and gray pieces of lego fell to the floor, Joker threw the assuredly empty box closest to him, sending it tumbling down the aisle. The second was a little more difficult to pull off, as it was stuck on his ass. After chucking the latter a great deal farther, and giving it a glare as if it had personally insulted him, the Joker hauled himself off the ground.

He pivoted on his heel and came face-to-face with a brightly colored wall made of legos. Arms flailing, so as not to topple the wall, he fell promptly on his rear.

"Does my ass have an attraction to the ground today," Joker muttered darkly.

Looking up at the wall it was only now that he noticed that it was in fact, not just a wall, but a whole castle built from legos.

It was the dream of any little kid—or a couple of overgrown ones.

"Ooooh!" Joker's eyes bugged out in child-like excitement.

He shot off the floor, and as he did, a pair of black ears quickly ducked below the wall, but the smile on the face of the clown-man doubled.

"Oh Batsy! Is anyone hooooome?" Joker snickered shoving at the door futilely.

"What's the password?" Batman's voice boomed from the inside of the princess-fairytale castle.

Batman had no concern for the Joker. He was just putting the finishing touches on his lego chair. He clicked the last piece in and stood back to marvel at his creation.

Two chairs stood next to a table. On the table sat a makeshift plate with three cookies and a glass of milk. The cloaked figure returned to the kitchen.

Joker pouted at the closed door, then began to walk dejectedly away. Spotting three boxes full of the colored plastic his grin returned. Gathering the boxes in his arms, he set off down the aisle.

Batman unfastened the door, expecting to see Joker in his face, but the insane clown was nowhere to be seen. Shrugging, he closed the door.

A large mechanism then came into view, being wheeled around the corner by none other than the Joker himself, a maniac smile on his face. He stopped the brightly colored apparatus a good distance from the door of the castle. Slipping his favorite dagger from one of his many pockets, he kissed it before setting it in the cup-like holder.

"I'll miss you sweetheart," His face sad, and tears threatening, "but we'll be together again soon."

At last letting go of the knife Joker stood back and pulled the rope.

_Flllink_

The knife sliced through the air beside Batman's ear and imbedded itself into the lego wall next to Batsy's head as he set some pretzels down on the table.

"What was that for," Batman yelled over the wall.

"Test," The Joker responded simply, face blank.

The Joker reset the catapult and eagerly jumped into position.

Muttering to himself, "One small step for man, one flying-well fly for me," Joker yanked the rope and was propelled through the air and over the wall, cackling gleefully.

"Weeeeee! Oof!"

Batman was struck to the ground as the flying purple and green man landed on top of him, crushing the black chair, "mmm, bouncy!"

As if to demonstrate, Joker jumped slightly and giggled delightedly as he jiggled up and down.

"Ooof! _Get off of me!_"

Batman rolled over, pushing the Joker off him, "You ruined my dinner!"

One of Batman's glove-clad hands gestured to the milk and pretzels lying spilled on the floor.

Joker just stood up and brushed himself off, looking around the place.

"Nice place ya got here," he examined a pan that was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, then let it slip through his fingers and clang on the floor.

"Kinda shabby, and not really my color—needs more purple and green."

Batman rolled his eyes as he tied his pink apron around his waist and went back to the kitchen.

Hearing a strange whistling, Batman froze before turning around

Batman gulped as he had turned just in time to see The Joker reach for the zipper on his pants.

"NO! No!" Batman holds his palms up, "We can talk about this. We can work this out!" Batman began to step closer to Joker, "Not on the rug, please, not on the rug!"


	5. O: 8 Trains

Disclaimer: We Don't Own.

A/N: Not much, just you know, previous junk…hehe. Read and Review please-this was written primarily by my co-conspirator with some editing on my side-hope you enjoy-please review! Or else I'll dunk Batman in a KFC deep fryer and hand Mr. J upside down in the sewers…

Joker looked from his hands, to the supposed rug beneath his feet, to Batman's eyes.

"What? Why?"

"But- a- yo- ah!" Batman pointed spastically from the crazy man, to the door, and then flailed his hands through the air like a bird.

"So," Joker asked, somehow the two understood each other.

At this Batman's eyes bulged out and he stomped over to the Joker who was still in the same awkward stance. Batman stopped an inch from Joker's face. The man in make-up flinched as Batman let out a snarl.

"You need some breath-mints, Batsy," Joker pushed Batman's face away and fanned the air mockingly.

Batman leaned forward and shoved Joker.

"My breath is minty-fresh all the time!"

"Not today it ain't!"

Joker giggled and charged Batman. They both hit the brightly colored wall and fell back through it—smashing it to pieces. Batman heaved the Joker off himself.

"Why are you all on top of me today," then he realized what he had fallen over. "MY CASTLE! YOU RUINED MY CASTLE!"

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes. Feeling a jab in his back he reached around himself and his gloved hand touched something.

"WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?"

Still distraught over the destruction of his beloved castle- he stared at the weird piece of plastic through dripping eyes, "Rails?"

"AH HAHAHAHAHA!" Joker howled, jumping on top of Batman, a rope in his hand. "Now this time you won't get away!"

The Joker fastened the rope securely around both Batman and the rail.

He grabbed a remote that lay beside him and looked at it, "I _love_ big red buttons," He squealed.

Joker depressed the large red button on the remote that simply stated 'start'. Joker giggled in excitement as a freight train made it's way down the tracks toward Batman, screaming.

Batman's eyes frantically shifted from the now racing train to the Joker, standing triumphantly in front of him.

"Do you expect me to talk?" Worry thick in his voice.

"No Batsy!" Joker's eyes grew wider. "I expect you to sing!" Batman's eye went blank.

"Are you serious?"

"NO!" Joker laughed manically.

The train was now drawing closer and closer, while Joker's eyes grew wider and wider. Anticipation dripping from them.

_Thunk!_

The train collided with Batman's cowl- making a definite hollow noise. Joker plucked the train off the tracks and examined it- throwing it over his shoulder with a huff. He picked up another one that was a good deal larger, and set it back at the start.

Batman—deciding this was enough—sat up. Taking the track and all of it's occupants—including three more trains—off the floor with him. His muscles bulging, he tried pulling the rope off. It stayed firmly tied.

Batman pushed his arms away from his body—the rope _seemed_ to stretch….but it didn't. Finally Batman bent down and bit into the rope—chewing through it.

Joker looked on—sniggering all the while.

Batman finally broke free "It's clobberin' time!"

Jokers eye enlarged in mock fear. He threw a train at the advancing figure. Batman caught it in his hand and the metal creaked. He strode up to the Joker and grabbed half of the train car that he held ready in his hands.

Batman pulled it toward him, leaning back on his heels.

Joker yanked it toward himself, causing Batman to hunch over.

Looking like a see-saw they tugged back and forth until a deafening _crack _sounded.

Batman fell back onto his Kevlar—padded butt and Joker landed on his skinny ass.

The hooded vigilante glanced at the broken piece of a train car in his hand and almost burst into tears.

"That's not fair! Give it to me," he exclaimed.

Joker reached out toward the last model train, "Fine, I'll share," he said sweetly.

Arm twitching, he hauled his arm back and chucked the train at Batman.

It hit him squarely in his third eye.

_Thunk_

"Ahhh!" Batman grabbed his head and moaned, "Have to…..AGH! Watch the lettery things!"

The Joker lifted an eyebrow, confused. "Words?"

"Shut the fugcke up!" Batman roared.

Joker's eyes widened in what was almost concern.

"I think I did some fun brain damage," He jumped up and down, clapping his purple gloved hands.

Batman, still befuddled, seized a mini Christmas tree and hurled it at the dancing green and purple man, The Joker easily dodged it.

"STOP SPINNING," Batman bellowed, in as he attempted to stand up, unsuccessfully. He landed right back down on his rump.

Joker tittered, "And they say _I'm _the looney?"


	6. S: 7 Hula Hoops

Disclaimer: We Don't Own.

A/N: Not much, just you know, previous junk…hehe. Read and Review please-this was written primarily by my co-conspirator with some editing on my side-hope you enjoy-please review! Or else I'll dunk Batman in a KFC deep fryer and hand Mr. J upside down in the sewers…

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Batman struggled to his feet, using the shelves to help drag himself upwards. Swaying a bit unsteadily, the world swam before him. Squeezing his eyes closed he willed the world to stop spinning. As his lids slid apart, he flinched. A bright yellow and orange thing flashed before him. A hollow clatter sounded somewhere near his feet, and snickering from a few feet before him.

Reaching up to clutch his head, Batman tried desperately to focus—he failed.

Treading forward, his big foot caught on a small lump and he crashed downward. The culprit lay before his nose.

Hula hoop.

"Used to play—with…I wanna play a game!"

The only other person in the store swiped a bit of make-up off his forehead as he gulped at the prospect of an insane Batman—he would lose his job as Gotham's craziest man!

Joker gently nudged Batsy's shoulder with his foot, "Hmm, what game?"

"A hula hopp-hope-hpi—," Batman struggled to formulate the words.

Joker rolled his eyes in exasperation, his favorite toy was broken, "Hooping—It's hula hooping!"

Batsy giggled like a drunken school girl, "Contest, a contest!"

"Right, if you can stand and say the alphabet—in reverse-reverse."

Batsy's head dipped before he started to mumble the letters, "Z, Y, X, W, V, U, R, S, T, Q, P, O, M, N, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A," Batman finished proudly.

Joker clapped slowly, the noise echoing loudly as he spoke, "Wrong, wrong, and wrong!"

Batman gazed vacantly at Joker.

"Reverse-reverse would be forwards, dimwit. And you didn't even say them in the right order! Which means you get to play all by your lonesome self."

"Wha—," Batman blinked rapidly trying to clear his mind.

Joker skipped lightly over the distance carrying five hula hoops. With no little amount of manipulation, Joker had Batsy keeping all five afloat: one on each arm, one around his waist, one on his neck, and one on his leg. Though he swayed slightly, the hoops stayed upright.

The Joker clapped giddily, hands speeding up and the sound grew louder, "Hahahaha!"

Batsy snorted with the effort, "Can't—have to win!"

"That's right…Batman…if you don't keep those in the air, all the tiny tots of Gotham—no-no—the world will die. But I'm sure you can do it, your arms couldn't be getting tired," Joker let the words roll of his tongue as he plucked a lego man off the ground and set him down precisely in front of Batman.

Leveling his foot over the tiny character, Joker lowered his foot and gave a little jerk.

"Whoops, knee-jerk reaction. I'm supposed to see a specialist about it but thanks to you, I got locked up in Hark the Arkham Angel Sings. Ahh, well you understand, don't you."

Batman gulped audibly as his ankle rolled and he teetered, the hoop on his leg bounced off the ground before the Dark Knight hurriedly worked to correct the mistake.

Joker's shoulders rose and shook with glee, foot coming down to crush against the plastic hair. The figure bent forward, a mocking bow, baring his neck to his killer.

Growing bored, Joker fingered his dagger before swiftly pulled his arm back before reversing the motion. Batman's eyes locked onto Joker, and he flinched again. This time he hopped hurriedly to regain the balance, still waiting for the pain that would tell him the knife had landed.

The Joker snorted and ran the dagger tip across his lips, it had never left his hand.

"Being evil is absolutely the best thing in the world…well besides being—hehe—I'll never tell."

Batman stared blankly at the slightly crazed man, his nausea starting to abate, "What are—what am I—"

"Bored now," Joker grinned, all his teeth shining out of his mouth and he whipped a purple and green hula hoop at the hero.

One heavy shoed slammed down on the plastic figure, grinding the plastic into cracked pieces.

Batman fall down and go boom.


	7. E: 6 Costumes

Disclaimer: We Don't Own.

A/N: Not much, just you know, previous junk…hehe. Read and Review please-this was written primarily by my co-conspirator with some editing on my side-hope you enjoy-please review! Or else I'll dunk Batman in a KFC deep fryer and hand Mr. J upside down in the sewers…

* * *

Joker grunted under the weight of his burden. Tugging on the wrists of the prostrate crusader, he backed down an aisle. Slowing his sliding burden at the first sign of wakefulness.

_Agh!_

Dropping Batsy's wrists, Joker smirked as they hit the tiled floor limply.

"Hahahehehoho," doubling over, he kept one eye on the man in black.

Sure he could have removed the delightful cowl, but where would the fun in that be—like peeking at the presents before Christmas. No, there would be no fun in that.

Batman groaned drunkenly, the world dipping and dodging in his sight, "What, what happened?"

Joker inhaled quickly through his nose, "You failed to save the innocent."

"Innoc—wait—that was a toy! You rotten, no good, rat fink!"

Joker coughed in his throat and smiled tightly, "To be really correct you might want to add absolutely barmy to that assessment!"

Batman blinked rapidly, vision still a little hazy—a bright green and red cloud flapped above him, while bells began to ring.

"What are the hills alive with the sound of music?"

Joker snorted outright, "Jeeze, apparently I just have a harder head than you do, one blow to yours and you've completely lost it."

"No," Batman frowned, "The bells, can't you hear the bells?"

Joker scratched his head vaguely, "Ohhh, you mean this?"

Nose twitching slightly, he held up a rather offending garment, a red and green elf costume.

Shaking his head delicately, Batman peered at the outfit, "Yes."

Latching on with one arm, Batsy pulled on it. Leveraging himself barely off the ground, before The Joker jerked it up and down playfully.

"Who's a good boy, who's a good boy?"

Joker giggled, mouth turning further upward, eyes glittering in the fluorescent lighting.

Growling, Batman tugged at the cloth.

Joker kicked the man's stomach, resulting in a gasp of pain, "Bad dog! Good puppies don't growl!"

Done with this game, Batman gave one almighty tug and the elf costume came apart at the seams.

"Perhaps, you need to reassess your plan," Batsy said in a deep voice.

Batman rose to his feet surprisingly quickly, and launched himself at the Joker. After a few moments tussling, and a bit of clothing flying, Batman rose, a doctors coat covering his cape and a surgical mirror strapped to his cowl. Joker frowned up at him as he was once again dressed like a woman—a nurse to be specific.

"You know, if I wanted to cross dress, I would have moved to New York. However, this does breathe quite well, I enjoy a little breeze, don't you?"

Batman narrowed his eyes, "I wouldn't know."

"You're about to!"

The Joker leapt forward, pouncing on his foe, after wrestling the doctors coat off Batman's shoulders, Joker licked his lips eagerly. Maneuvering with the kind of dexterity only he could muster, Joker slammed Batsy into a pretty pink, sparkly number.

Sliding a blonde curly wig atop the faux chrome dome, Joker smirked as he put on his own costume, something in gingham.

"You didn't," Batsy growled, looking down at the taffeta.

"Oh, but I did, Glinda," Joker smiled relatively sweetly as he twirled a lock.

"Dead…your Dead Dorothy," Batman seethed.

Joker gulped audibly.

He didn't have much of a chance to do anything before he was stripped of his gingham dress and shoved roughly into a green number with purple swirls along the torso.

Joker quirked an eyebrow as if to ask if this was the best Batsy could do.

Batsy smirked before smacking Joker's back, effectively attaching a set of glittering purple wings to the criminal's back.

Joker twisted 'round to see what was on his back and gave a yelp, "Ahh! What have you done! I'm not a bloody fairy! You better run like the devil himself was after you!"

Batman started down the aisle tripping as he tried to shed his Glinda persona. The Joker stood still before shredding his fairy dress with his favorite knife and donning his jacket.

"Run, run, run as fast as you can, I'll catch you Batsy and you'll wish I never had," he murmured, smile returning to his lips.


	8. R: 5 Barbie Dolls

Disclaimer: We Don't Own.

A/N: Not much, just you know, previous junk…hehe. Read and Review please-this was written primarily by my co-conspirator with some editing on my side-hope you enjoy-please review! Or else I'll dunk Batman in a KFC deep fryer and hand Mr. J upside down in the sewers…

* * *

Sauntering slowly down the aisles, arms out and hands knocking everything in his path to a pile on the floor, Joker hummed a little tune to himself.

"Little Miss Muffet, Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and frightened Miss Muffet away," The Joker enunciated each word. Tongue flitting across each word like it was the richest cream.

"Come to think of it, it sounds familiar, like ah—my father's screams," The Joker sighed and a matte finish crossed his eyes for a second.

Tongue flinching between his lips, Joker flicked his wrist out, stabbing the first box in his way. Letting out a satiated sigh, he retracted the blade, his urges tamped down for the moment.

Joker exhaled, "Come out, come out wherever you are—seriously or else I'll—I don't really know, I've killed the precious girly, and the precious car—what's left?"

Shrugging his shoulders, The Joker kept on moving, listening for any sounds. After a handful of minutes, he twirled down a new aisle.

_Whap-crick_

The Joker's head whipped to the side, a bit of pink flesh exposed from the white make-up.

Head still twisted to his side he laughed slowly, "So, you want to have a duel?"

Grabbing a duplicate of Batsy's Barbie doll, Joker wheeled his arm back and swiped Batman across lower half of his face, the bare bit under his mask.

There was a resounding crack, "Glass jaw?"

Batman snarled and plucked a birthday Barbie from the wall and brandished it before him.

"Back, fiend, back!"

The Joker rolled his eyes and let his neck roll slightly, "Oh, come on. That's all you can come up with—seriously, with all the time you spend holed up in—what is it—cave, lair, penthouse—you could come up with some better lines than that. The world is a fine place and worth fighting for. I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder. Bring back dueling, I say. Drive-by sword fight. Those who live by the sword die by those who live by the gun. I don't like to fight."

Batman's wrist was limp the Barbie drooping, "Do you have an off button? People say they appreciate a good ramble, but clearly they've never met you."

The purple and green clad man gritted his teeth, the yellow sheen glimmering dangerously, "All you had to do was ask."

Whipping a New Years Barbie off the shelf, Joker slid his tongue across his teeth, "Oh, this will be fun."

Batman righted his grip and pulled one hand back to balance, "En garde!"

Joker didn't wait for his declaration, he had already darted forward and slashed at the bat-suit with surprising speed. Pulling back, he danced backwards out of a range of a returning strike.

"Another hit, what say you," Joker giggled madly, putting on a British accent.

Batman frowned and spoke aside, "Mad, I tell you mad, Faust would have a veritable field day with this one."

"O villany! Ho! let the door be lock'd: Treachery! Seek it out," his voice rose, eyes wild with the passion of the fight.

As if they were rapiers, the two barbies clashed, neither gaining any ground. They played back and forth, triumphant laughter and small squeaks of the floor the only true noise.

Crossing dolls, Joker levered his upwards, careful not to lose grip of his own. At last, Batsy's gloved hands slid and the doll shot out of his grip like a rocket. His victory was short lived as his doll was knocked out his hand, a set of painfully bony fist slamming into his knuckles.

Growling, Joker palmed the first doll he could, foaming at the mouth. He kicked Batsy backward with one foot and whipped the doll end over end, smacking the goody two shoes square in the chest.

With a clunk and a pop, Mrs. Claus and her head hit the floor.

* * *

Points for anyone who knows who the Joker was quoting-I just think he'd be cultured-hehehahah-hoho.


	9. I: 4 Power Wheels

Disclaimer: We Don't Own.

A/N: Not much, just you know, previous junk…hehe. Read and Review please-this was written primarily by my co-conspirator since I have lost all connection with internet! Aaggg! Please review! Or else I'll dunk Batman in a KFC deep fryer and hand Mr. J upside down in the sewers…

* * *

Batman- having seen that his weapon now lay at the Joker's feet, and also being seated on his behind- was beginning to get a bit frantic.

Scrambling to his feet, Batman yanked the first thing his gloved hands touched, off the shelf. It's surprised weight took the better of Batman and he almost ended up on the tiled floor once again.

But wanting to get out of any straight shot of the Joker, incase he decided to throw more Barbies at the masked crusader, Batman dragged the object to the next aisle.

Joker was staring at the caped man who was towing a Power Wheels car around the corner.

"Well if he wants a chase, lets chase!" Joker ripped the packaging from a blue policeman Power Wheels motorcycle with his favorite knife. He sat down on the little child's seat and teetered- "Why don't they make these freaking things bigger?" He mumbled. But balancing himself on the miniscule seat, Joker revved the engine.

When Batman finally caught his breath, he contemplated what he had dragged from the previous aisle.

It was a Black Power Wheels Hummer. Batman grimaced.

"This is so economically and environmentally inefficient!" From the next aisle over Batman heard an engine rev. Fearing the worst Batman drew out the spikes on his gauntlets, shredding the casing.

He jumped inside the Hummer and tried squishing his enormous Kevlar-plated butt into the seat- but the cheap plastic wouldn't give. Eventually Batman gave up and sat on the supposed 'ceiling' of the vehicle, bending down to steer the wheel, his feet barely reaching the pedals. Batman stomped on the gas as the front end of a motorcycle came into view in the Hummer's rear-view mirror.

The hummer whizzed down the aisle like a rocket, the motorcycle not close behind. They raced down an aisle and up another. Batman glanced at the Joker in his rear-view mirror and pleaded the hummer to go faster.

Joker was looking at the buttons on his plastic toy, needing to find one that would accelerate the poor vehicle. A green one just above the steering wheel caught his eye. He depressed it quickly.

Blue and red lights sprung to life and flashed. Batman saw the lights and fought the urge to pull over. As he was a good citizen, he always pulled over when police light were flashed in his direction.

Flitting his eyes from the path in front of him to the flashing lights in his mirror Batman sighed. And pulled off to the side of the aisle.

Joker rode up beside him, lights still flashing.

"Excuse me sir- do you know how fast you were going?" Joker pulled out his knife and tossed it up and down.

"Um, yes." Batman stated confused.

"Really? Because my motorcycle doesn't have a mile-reader thingy." Joker scratched his head with the tip of the knife.

"Really?" Batman asked acting intrigued, when he was really getting ready to bash the gas pedal to the floor again.

"Yeah. And-" But Batman had already zoomed off ahead of him, and was gone into the sunset wallpaper that was on display.

"Arrg!" Joker pocketed his knife and climbed back onto his motorcycle. "A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest, like me," He chuckled to himself. "but it's the honest ones you want to watch out for." Joker revved his engine once more and sped forward. A black flash cut in front of him and Joker found himself on the tiled floor- not knowing what hit him.

"What the? How did I end up here?" Joker glanced to his right and noticed that his beloved blue motorcycle was but a smashed piece of plastic. The black hummer was positioned atop the motorcycle- but the Batman was not atop it.

He instead laid a few feet away.

Joker go to his feet, mumbling a dew choice words under his breath, then shouting. "HELLO?? YOU KILLED MY RIDE!" Into the black cowl of the supposed super _hero_.

Batman sat up. "What are you talking about? _I _had the right-of-way!" Joker rolled his eyes.

"I never bothered to learn the rules of the road- I prefer my own rules. Which is to live by no rules!" Joker giggled, turning around.

He started to walk away but upon hearing a scraping noise he turned back around.

Joker saw Batman ripping at another Power Wheels box. This one an exact replica of the batmobile.

"Joker darted over to Batman's side. "I want it!" he grabbed at the packaging.

"No!" Batman growled. "It's MINE. It's the BATmobile."

"Oh _come on_! _You're _the one who smashed into _me_!" Joker whined.

"NO!" Batman bellowed.

"PLEASE!" Joker begged. "I _promise_ I won't blow up anything for a whole week." A wicked smile returning to his face.

Batman considered this- a whole week without anything bad going on in Gothem. "Hmmm, I could take a week's vacation then."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vacation." The Joker struck out his hand. "So do we have a deal?"

"Okay." Batman shook the green and purple-clad man's hand. Not noticing the other was hidden behind it's owner's back- the fingers crossed.

The Joker hopped into the black Batmobile and propelled away.

Batman yanked a pink Cinderella Power Wheels off the shelf and undid it's wrapping- a smile on is face. A whole _week_ free of the Joker.

Batman started the engine and drove off into the direction that the Joker had headed. But something distracted him- the smell of melting plastic.

Batman arrived on the site of a black mess melting onto the floor, a small fire burning beside the gooey puddle. It brought tears to his eyes and a flashback came to him-one of the real batmobile being reduced to rubble by the hand of the Joker.

A crazed laugh echoed through the store- Batman jumped off the Power Wheels and sprinted off in the direction of the sound.

* * *

Review, this is our Christmas gift to you!


	10. O: 3 Lightsabers

Disclaimer: We don't own

A/N: Please review—hehe, I always get a kick out of what you folks say.

* * *

Batman scowled his head whipped to and fro, eyes lighting on a package that glowed green.

Jerking it from the shelf, he brought it to his mouth, rage filling him. He ripped into the packaging using his beautiful teeth, never wincing.

Joker cackled, on his knees he rose and dipped with the flames, arms upwards in reverence.

Batman wrenched the toy from the plastic and held it tightly at his side, edging forward.

Joker rolled onto his back, legs kicking madly, body jerking with glee. His jacked bunched beneath him made him wriggle as he adjusted it, sure he was all for chaos, but it was an expensive suit—he didn't want to wrinkle it. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Batsy sneaking towards him.

"Rat fink," he muttered, "Always have to watch the good guys, I mean seriously, where did all the credibility in being the white hat go?"

Hand outstretched Joker's fingers wrapped around a smoldering piece of plastic.

Batsy swooped down on The Joker, face alight with anger, he thrust the extended the green lightsaber at the Joker's flesh colored throat. The veins beat madly beneath his skin, showing the true vitality of the man on the floor.

Joker swallowed beneath the pressure against his throat, "Ooh, getting a little feisty are we? I heard they'd taken all that out of you. Maybe you got a little slow during my extended stay with your friend—Scarecrow."

Batsy leaned forward, pressing more of his weight down on his foe. He shuddered a bit from the joy he took in having The Joker at his mercy—especially after the second desecration of the batmobile.

"Perhaps it is not me, who got out of practice, but you. Did you enjoy your padded cell?"

Joker in true character snorted and chuckled despite the growing weight, "Hahahehehoho—you would enjoy that wouldn't you. Or maybe you're really wondering if there was room for two. Because in all truth Batsy, if you dress up as a bat you're probably clinically insane. But I won't tell."

Batman pulled back brusquely, his gut turning at the accusations. Just as quickly he returned the lighted weapon to his throat.

Joker grinned and tightened his fingers around his own weapon.

A swift swing upwards with the knarled piece of plastic. The plastic connected solidly with Batsy's wrist, the lightsaber flew out of his grip. Popping to his feet with the agility of a gymnast, Joker kicked the weapon further out of reach and knocked Batsy down with an uppercut to his solar plexus. With a lick of his lip and a kick of his foot, Joker was over to the lightsaber display.

Yanking a red saber and a blue saber from the packages, he whipped them to full length and twirled his wrists. The sabers made blue and red circles at his sides, the lights making a great display.

"You know, I almost joined a circus, but they wouldn't let me explode things…ah, here in Gotham I have no master, no employer—you—you have. You might think you're a free man, but you serve them and they'll fire you the second it's convenient."

Batman scooted backwards on the floor away from the loon.

"You swore, a week off!"

Joker rolled his eyes and kicked at the air, "Never said which week—also, I specified no explosions, that still leaves a million and one things I can do—heheahahoho!"

"Evil!"

Joker smirked, "You do know how to flatter a man."

Skipping forwards, The Joker tapped Batsy on the sides of his cowl, and jumping to stand over Batsy.

"Mercy, mercy, me! What will I do with The Great Batman at my mercy! Say Uncle!"

Cackling happily the glint of madness coating his eyes he prodded Batsy with the lightsabers.

"Blue, red, red, blue, blue red, red, say it!"


	11. U: 2 Tricycles

Disclaimer: We don't own

A/N: Please review—hehe, I always get a kick out of what you folks say.

* * *

The alternating pokes of the lightsabers did nothing to Batman, who was wearing his heavy, more-than-military-grade armor. Joker sighed, and increased the speed and strength of his pokes. His smile grew wider, but his eyes faded to a matte brown with a ring of gold.

A slow, low growl that was not of anger, but of frustration rolled up and out of the Joker.

"Say it!"

Batsy narrowed his eyes and grunted, "No."

Joker ticked his head to the side, "No, not many people say no to me, I like that. Although it also gets you dead. And I do like the idea of dead Batman, but I think I might get a little bored, and all of my favorite hobbies would be boring because no one would tell me no! So maybe you should just say _it_!"

"Maybe you should just take your _prozac_, and maybe you should have a time out," Batsy hissed.

"Ooh, we're getting to the witty banter portion of this fight. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Batsy," Joker exclaimed in a French accent giggling directly afterwards.

Batman frowned, "What did they _make_ you watch television in the asylum?! I really need to complain, you are getting far too much fun out of it!"

Joker snorted, "This is getting dull, if you won't submit I quit. Besides, who says I learned anything in that nuthouse? You don't know anything about me, for all you know I could have the IQ of a genius and a half."

Batman rolled his eyes, "Yeah only because you probably cut him in half," he muttered under his breath.

"Ah! See there you go again, I happen to know my IQ is higher than yours, Dear Batsty!"

Batman wiggled under The Joker's hold, "Oh, and how do you know that? Vivid imagination?"

"No," Joker said flatly as he stepped away from Batsy and tossed the lightsabers away, "It was on the internet. I clicked on one of those pop-ups. It said your IQ was 112, mine is 134. Of course, the fact that you work out so often probably accounts for the low score—I'm sure you score plenty high on other tests."

Joker strolled across the empty floor, the flames of the batmobile were all but gone. His tongue flicked across his lower lip as he stopped before a new goodie.

Snickering to himself, Joker swung his leg over the purple and green tricycle and fluffed his jacket out. Crunching his knees up he pedaled as best he could on the tiny toy. With an astonishing amount of speed, he rode at Batsy who was only just rising to his feet. Swinging the steering bars to one side quickly, Joker leaned the opposite way to counterbalance the turn. He swerved back and forth recklessly, his almost noiseless laughter a sharp contrast to Batman's low growling.

"Come on itty bitty Batsy! I'll race you!"

Batman lunged forwards trying to catch the back of the purple jacket, "Damn you!"

Scrambling onto his own tricycle, Batman attempted to fold himself up so he could follow The Joker.

It was easier said than done, after several failed attempts more than one ending with both him and the tricycle overturned, he managed to squeeze into the seat. Knees bent to an impossible angle, Batman pedaled with slow movements.

"Agh," Batman groaned as he jabbed his arm with his knee.

Slowly Batman rode after The Joker…but he still ate The Joker's dust.


	12. S: 1 Tea Party

Disclaimer: We don't own

A/N: Please review—hehe, I always get a kick out of what you folks say.

Joker swerved down the aisles, nearly crashing into a display of dancing elmos when he glanced back to find where Batsy was.

Sure enough, Batsy was cursing him to all manner of evil—except in PG-13 language—stickler for the rules despite his obvious dislike for them.

"Hehe, having trouble Batsy?"

"Shut up! Go drown in a bucket of rodents! Stupid tricycle—can't move—getting cramp! Agh!"

Joker giggled madly before going down yet another side-aisle.

"Oooh," his eyes lit up and he stuck his feet out as brakes, heels squealing softly, "Oh goody—this always helps me relax. Cause, as you know, a guy in my position has to be relaxed or I could go off the handle!"

Scuttling off the tricycle, Joker clapped his hands, and bounced on the balls of his feet. Looking over his shoulder he noticed Batsy was only just starting up the aisle.

Grunting, Joker bounced from foot to foot anxiously, "Hurry up!"

Batman scowled, "I would if this thing wasn't made for a two year old!"

"Oh stop bitching and let's go have tea," Joker bellowed, "Besides, you act like a two year old so maybe the trike fits," he muttered under his breath.

Hands over his mouth, The Joker plopped himself down at the froofy white and pink table. Folding his long, pale fingers in his lap, Joker peered anxiously down the aisle. Batman pedaled with sharp beats, gasping as his knee lodged under the handlebar, he tried to straighten the trike broke apart completely, leaving Batman sitting on his ass.

Batsy rolled quickly and was running towards the tea party that was set up. Skidding into his own chair, Batsy reached towards a tea cake. His hand was swiftly slapped away by The Joker who was frowning at him.

"Manners, sheesh, for being high and mighty you certainly are a street urchin—yee gods, I'm turning into a school marm—I do like the skirts," Joker shuddered, and stuck his tongue between his lips.

Taking up the teapot, Joker carefully poured the pale orange liquid into the teacups. He watched the tea carefully, making sure not one drip fell on the tablecloth. Setting the plastic down, he reached for another piece.

"Sugar? Milk," The Joker asked politely, his voice much higher than normal.

Batman froze and gazed down at his cup, "Three sugars and two shots of milk."

Joker froze and did as asked, "Really, that's majorly unhealthy—like third heart attack unhealthy."

Batman glared at him, "Oh shut up!"


	13. Pure Insanity

Disclaimer-Still do not own.

A/N: Review—and enjoy and merry xmas/nondenominational winter holiday—hehe.

The tea party went relatively well, civility managing to be retained for more than ten seconds. Finally finished with his third cup of tea, The Joker tossed the cup over his shoulder where it shattered rather audibly.

"I'm full, and I'm bored, and those two things make for excellent destruction qualities."

Batman glared, "Would it kill you to sit still for five minutes?"

"What the—what the hell do you think I just fucking did! Perform the entire nutcracker," Joker waved his hands about exasperatedly.

Batman huffed and stood up, crossed his arms and started to walk away only to trip on something. Landing flat on his face was not exactly in the plan, but when Batsy saw what his downfall was he couldn't help the giggle that escaped.

"Karaoke! Me first!"

The Joker didn't have much time to argue because almost instantly, Batsy had some song blaring and was attempting to croon the words.

"One way or another I'm gonna find ya  
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha  
One way or another I'm gonna win ya  
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha  
One way or another I'm gonna see ya  
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha  
One day, maybe next week  
I'm gonna meetcha, I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meetcha  
I will drive past your house  
And if the lights are all down  
I'll see who's around

One way or another I'm gonna find ya  
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha  
One way or another I'm gonna win ya  
I'll getcha, I'll getcha  
One way or another I'm gonna see ya  
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha  
One day, maybe next week  
I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meetcha

And if the lights are all out  
I'll follow your bus downtown  
See who's hanging out

One way or another I'm gonna lose ya  
I'm gonna give you the slip, a slip of the lip or another  
I'm gonna lose ya, I'm gonna trick ya, I'll trick ya  
One way or another I'm gonna lose ya  
I'm gonna trick ya trick ya trick ya trick ya  
One way or another I'm gonna lose ya  
I'm gonna give you the slip

I'll walk down the mall  
Stand over by the wall  
Where I can see it all  
Find out who ya call  
Lead you to the supermarket checkout  
Some specials and rat food, get lost in the crowd

One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha getcha getcha getcha  
Where I can see it all, find out who ya call  
One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha getcha getcha getcha  
Where I can see it all, find out who ya call  
One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha getcha getcha getcha  
Where I can see it all, find out who ya call"

Joker cringed as Batsy took a bow—not only was the song completely obvious, the masked vigilante absolutely _had_ to do the silly dance to go along with it.

Joker stalked up to the microphone and roughly shoved Batsy aside, "Done embarrassing yourself? Good, its my turn to do this psychotic thing."

Swiping his hair back, Joker smiled sadistically, "This one goes out to the one I love—"

"And now, the end is near  
And so I face the final curtain  
You cunt, I´m not a queer  
I´ll state my case, of which I´m certain  
I´ve lived a life that´s full  
I've traveled each and every highway  
And more, much more than this  
I did it my way

Regrets, I´ve had a few  
But then again, too few to mention  
I did, what I had to do  
And saw it through with out exemption  
I planned each chartered course  
Each careful step along the highway  
And more, much more than this  
I did it my way

There were times, I´m sure you knew  
When there was fuck fuck fuck-all else to do  
But through it all, when there was doubt  
I shot it up or kicked it out  
I faced the wall and the world  
And did it my way

I've laughed and been a snake  
I´ve had my fill, my share of losing  
And now, the tears subside  
I find it all so amusing  
To think, I killed a cat  
And may I say, not in a gay way  
Oh no, oh no not me  
I did it my way

For what is a brat, what has he got  
When he wears hats and he cannot  
Say the things he truly feels  
But only the words, of one who kneels  
The record shows, I fucked a bloke  
And did it my way"

Bowing to the imaginary crowd, Joker inhaled deeply, eyes shut.

"That's how it is done, not some cheesy one hit wonder, a classic about self achievement."

Batsy lunged for the mike and started another song, Joker scowled and joined in, both attempting to be louder than the other.

"City sidewalks, bloody sidewalks,

slick with holiday gore,

in the air there's a smell of explosives.

Children wailing, people screaming,

as they run for their lives,

from the gunman who has taken the store.

Silver bells, shotgun shells,

It's Christmas time in the city.

Rink ka-chink, hear them ring,

Today is your last Christmas day."

_The End_

Hope you enjoyed the psychotic moments that presented this story-

Songs are One Way or Another by blondie, My Way by Sid Vicious, and Silver Shells-takeoff of Silver Bells, Please review.


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